How to Handle Song Requests for Worship

We've all been there: You're at church, milling about with other members, and someone comes up to you and asks, "I love the song [insert title]. Can we sing it during worship?"

How do you handle something like this–especially if you immediately know that the answer is, "No?"

Necessary Definitions

Before you answer a question like this, you must first have a working, practical definition of what makes a song "good" for congregational worship:

• The lyrics are clear. ✅

• The theology is strong. ✅

• The melody is easy to sing. ✅

• The message favors corporate > individual. ✅

Now, these qualifiers are subjective, and there will be cases where "I" songs work better than "we" songs, or maybe the melody is dressed up a bit, or there might be a word/concept that needs to be explained, etc. But generally, these guidelines create a setting where mostly everybody can participate and connect with the songs being used in worship. 

Once you have that down (and you've applied it in curating your worship song catalogue), then you have the fun part of having a dialogue with that church member.

Having the Talk

First, you should appreciate that your church members want to take an active role in helping shape the music you sing together—it means they care! Now granted, there might be an underlying character trait that would seem controlling or pushy, but most of the time, these folks mean well. So, you should approach the dialogue with this frame in mind; it will help you arrive to a more pleasing point, even if you have to say, "No."

This process starts by asking questions:

• What do you like about that song?

• How has that song connected with you since you first heard it? 

• How do you think others will receive this song?

When you ask these questions, you're priming the other person to feel heard and validated, which makes a "yes" all the more encouraging, or a "no" more easily received. 

Now, more often than not, many of the requests that I receive typically ask for songs that come from Christian radio—and these days, there's not much on there that checks off the boxes I mentioned above. In those cases, it great to talk about why the other person likes that song and how they connect to it, but it's equally important to reiterate that you're looking for very specific details when choosing songs for corporate worship—and not everything always works for that setting. 

If there's a "no" you have to give, follow up with asking them if there's anything else by that artist that they think would fit the bill. This gives the other person a sense of ownership in the creative process, and rather than deflating them and sending them on their way, you've actually given them an action item that contributes to the mission and purpose of corporate worship. 

Just a few other things to keep in mind:

• Ask more questions than giving statements. 

• Defend, but don't get defensive.

• Maintain open body language.

• Keep your tone even.

If you keep all this in mind, then you should be able to handle whatever requests come your way. 

Be blessed 👊✌️